How to take the quiz
- Choose who’s taking it: both of you (pass the phone) or just you.
- Optionally add first names so the results are personal.
- Answer 20 questions. Each shows two small gestures; pick the one that would mean more to you. There are no right answers.
- In pass-the-phone mode, hand over the device when prompted. The first person’s answers stay hidden.
- Read your results together: a chart, each person’s top style, ideas, and conversation prompts.
The five ways of showing love
- Kind words: appreciation, encouragement and affection put into words.
- Time together: undivided attention and shared moments.
- Practical help: actions that make life easier.
- Thoughtful gifts: small, meaningful tokens; the thought matters more than the price.
- Physical affection: everyday, caring closeness like hugs and holding hands.
Each question pairs two of these, and every pair appears twice, so each style is scored out of eight. The chart shows all five scores for each of you, and a text version is available for screen readers.
Why it helps to talk about this
Many people show love in the way they’d like to receive it. If one partner feels loved through practical help and the other through kind words, both can be trying hard and still feel unappreciated. Research on couples shows how much small everyday moments matter: noticing and responding warmly to each other’s bids for attention builds trust over time. Knowing what feels meaningful to your partner makes those small moments count.
How it works
Each of the 20 questions offers two ways of feeling cared for, and you pick the one that matters more to you. Every pair of the five styles appears twice, so each style can score up to 8. Both partners answer on the same phone, with a handover screen in between so you can’t see each other’s choices. The results show each person’s top style, ideas for showing love in your partner’s style and questions to talk about together.
Worked examples
Example 1: words versus help
One partner scores highest on Kind words, the other on Practical help. The first may be doing lots of chores while the other waits to hear “thank you”, and both feel unseen. The results suggest saying one specific appreciation a day, and taking one task off the other person’s list.
Example 2: the same top style
Both of you score highest on Time together. That makes things simpler, but busy weeks can squeeze it out. Protect one phone-free evening a week.
Example 3: taking it alone
Take it in Just me mode, then share the result with your partner as a conversation starter: “Here’s what helps me feel loved. What about you?”
Using your results well
- Treat it as a conversation, not a label. People change, and so do their needs.
- Ask for specifics: “What did I do recently that made you feel loved?”
- Try one idea this week in your partner’s style and notice how it lands.
- Revisit it in a few months, after a move, a new job or a new baby.
Common mistakes
- Using results to keep score (“You never do my style”).
- Ignoring the lower scores. Most people appreciate all five to some degree.
- Assuming your partner’s answers. Let them take it themselves.
- Treating it as science. It’s a reflection tool, nothing more.