How to use the Couple Advice Guide
- Your relationship. Choose your stage (from dating less than six months to empty nesters) and how long you’ve been together.
- What to work on. Pick up to six areas, such as communication, frequent arguments, money, chores, trust or keeping romance alive. The first one you pick shapes your conversation script.
- How things usually go. Say what happens when you disagree, how you and your partner each like to feel loved, how stressful life is and how much time you have each week. This step also has a private safety check.
- Your goal. Feel closer, argue less, make a decision together, plan something special or rebuild trust.
- Read your plan, then print it, copy a share link or save it on this device.
What’s in your plan
- What’s likely happening: your disagreement pattern and focus areas explained in plain language.
- This week: try these: three to five concrete actions, fewer when life is very stressful or time is short.
- A conversation script: sentence starters in the “I feel… when… I need… could we…?” shape, with tips matched to how your arguments usually go.
- How you each feel loved: what helps your partner feel cared for, and what to do if your styles differ.
- What to avoid: the habits most likely to make things worse for your pattern.
- A four-week plan: a checklist with a theme for each week.
- Connection ideas: three low-cost ideas that fit the time you have.
- When to consider a counsellor: signs that a neutral professional could help.
How the guide decides what to show
The guide doesn’t use AI and doesn’t guess. It uses a library of advice written for different situations, each labelled with the stages, focus areas, argument patterns, goals and stress levels it suits. Your answers are matched against those labels and the best-fitting pieces are assembled into a plan. The same answers always give the same plan.
The advice draws on well-replicated findings from couples research. Starting difficult conversations gently makes them go better. When people become flooded (heart racing, unable to think), a 20-minute break helps, as long as you agree to come back. Small “repair attempts” calm conflict. Responding warmly to everyday bids for attention builds trust. Contempt and criticism of the person, rather than the situation, are especially damaging.
Worked examples
Example 1: new parents who keep snapping at each other
Choosing New parents, Frequent arguments and Splitting household chores, with We both get louder and Very stressful, gives a short plan. It includes a pause signal for heated moments, a tag-team schedule so each of you gets a guaranteed break, and listing every household task, including the invisible planning. The connection ideas stay at home and take less than an hour.
Example 2: a couple who rarely argue but feel distant
With Married 5+ years, Quality time and Keeping romance alive, the pattern We rarely argue and the goal Feel closer, the plan focuses on protected time, appreciation and novelty: a booked date, small daily appreciations and trying something new together.
Example 3: rebuilding after a breach of trust
Selecting Rebuilding after a breach of trust with the goal Rebuild trust adds guidance on giving the hurt partner room first, agreeing what openness looks like for now, and keeping small, reliable promises. The counsellor section explains why a professional can help guide these conversations.
If something doesn’t feel safe
The safety check in step three asks whether you feel afraid of your partner, or whether they control your money, phone or friendships, threaten you, hurt you or keep you away from people. If you tick any of these, you won’t get advice about fixing the relationship. You’ll see free, confidential support services for your country instead. You can also open them any time with Feeling unsafe? at the top of the tool, and leave instantly with Quick exit.
Common mistakes
- Trying everything at once. Pick one or two actions and do them consistently.
- Using the script as a weapon. It’s for sharing your feelings, not proving a point.
- Expecting quick fixes. Habits change over weeks; the four-week plan is a starting point.
- Waiting too long for help. Counselling works best before resentment builds up.